It is exhausting to defend..love. Struggling all the time--to explain it, to believe in it, and to find it, is truly a chore. Deceptive love..how will people know that it's real if our hearts are capable of "loving" again. and again. Repairing itself to accommodate someone else, regardless of doubt, pain, or misery. As if our hearts can take that much loss! But it IS real! How do I explain it? It is strange to meet these agnostic lovers.
And what of our love? A battling of individuals trying to remember and forget the most. A love independent of ideal qualities, ever changing, strangely beautiful? It is a terrifying thing, this love of ours, precisely because it seems rare. We bounce back and forth between i-don't-want-to-lose-you and I-have-already-lost-you-because-you-love-me. Am I just idealizing things between us? I should stop playing witness to the world. It shouldn't matter to me--what they think, I mean. KNOWING should be enough for me, right? I have to admit that sometimes it isn't.
It's must be this distance...this innate longing to be together...it highlights just how far apart we are right now.
