Entering 2010

I will make my mark in the humblest of fashions.

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Grasping for words

Even at the brink of losing everything, she is a fighter to the core.

Her grip is stronger these days, more desperate. Sometimes she doesn't even need to hold on to some thing. She would just continue to reach out, sometimes finding our hands, clasping tightly. Sometimes more restless, grasping at seemingly empty air. Her arms stretch out, high above her head. What are you volunteering for? Why are you raising your hand?

What do you see in your mind, Grandma? You have been sleeping for a while now. Do you have visions of the past, of your childhood dreams? Regrets have abandoned your bedside. What could have been, had been so you do not have to worry.

Last Sunday might have been my last visit. You opened your eyes at the sound of my voice and I think you might have recognized me, but I cannot be sure. I will believe that you did, though. I will miss you.

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Signs that we Exist

Today, I tested out the 100mm, 2.8 Macro lens that I borrowed from school. I found this shriveled up plant half buried in the snow. Using the macro lens, I've made it appear larger and more significant than it actually is.

We try to make our mark. And somehow every day we do, in however small a scale. We survive the usual struggles even if it means facing our fears once in a while, even if it means standing alone. The grass is nowhere to be seen this morning. The snowstorm is over and the cold hasn't gotten to this plant yet. Somehow I feel cruel taking pleasure in these little half-deaths buried in snow and ice. But you see, we aren't any different. Each day it only continues to get colder.

Ah, 'tis the season to survive.


"Cold"

This photo I took reminded me of his work: "Signs that we exist" Nadav Kander

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Snowstorm

We're expecting several feet of snow tonight. I happened to glance out the window and the red sky drew me to take a few shots. The sky's giving more than it should tonight, preparing for the morning's loss of color.

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Inspiration: Strange and Oddly Beautiful Photography 2

Hugh Kretschmer Photography

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Inspiration: Strange and Oddly Beautiful Photography 1

Incredible gesture, emotion, and depth. I was blown away.

 

Tomohide Ikeya Photography 

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Home Depot Lighting Kit

Another fun-filled day with Greg Hiesler. Lights were all from home depot and were under $100.

I wanted to make him look otherworld-ly by creating a yellowish, animal-like glow in his eyes.

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Peter Chilton's "Your Day is 140 seconds or less"

Here's a video of my classmates that one of my instructors made for a Nikon contest. Isn't it so simple and yet so awesome?

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If I weren't afraid of....butterflies.

Sometimes I prefer an alternate reality. It's easier to bear. Wishes are whisked away with the wind, carried by powdery wings of silent hope. These are for you. We hope against all odds and that is the power of living. Well, surviving. No, actually, so much more than surviving.

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Frozen light

Ice looks beautiful when it's backlit by the sun. The air is cool enough today and it won't melt, not yet anyway. How do I keep it from disappearing? Such deceptive beauty allures those who attempt to document what is fleeting. I should know better but I don't. I'm still drawn to it. And it's only because I know this moment will leave me.

Right now, gathering light is somehow not enough. Preservation seems like a lost cause. And yet, the desire is there. Why do you look more valuable than you're worth?

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Pet Project

I had a Career Dev class today with John Nordell and his lecture touched me and inspired an idea of another personal project. Lately, I've been bombarded with ideas that I want to do while I have all these resources at my fingertips. Despite the lack of confidence at times, I know that by doing, my technique can only continue to get better.

Today he talked about the idea of seeing, that we don't always have to see only through our eyes. Being in the moment and truly seeing is by using all of one's senses. He featured a book of images created by blind student photographers which literally and figuratively illustrated this reality. As an observer of the world, the photographer should use her senses to her advantage in order to visually translate whatever she wants to say successfully. He showed us this video of a woman who lost her sight because of a disease and yet continued to pursue photography with a passion. She talked about how she continues to function through memory and imagination in order to do her work (with the help of her husband, of course). I enjoyed looking at her photographs which were surreal images of her dog posing beside miniature models of famous buildings. What was interesting to me was her process. She would place her ear near the viewfinder and listen to the camera focusing. Instead of using her eyes to guide her to scenes that are visually interesting, she'd use her hearing instead. It's amazing how people can develop new ways of being perceptive when they need to.

I want to photograph blind photographers around the U.S. seeing the world. I want to focus on the process, not so much the images that they produce but more of the way to find things that catch their attention. I might be an interesting journey for me and I'm sure to learn a lot from them. Another idea that might be cool is to take portraits of these people... telling their personal stories of seeing with everything BUT the eyes.

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This is for you mom and dad!

I absolutely love my parents. Today I found out that I'll be part of my school's exhibit "My Sight" this weekend.

"My Sight" Gallery

This is really exciting news for me...only because it's something "legit" that I could share with my folks. I'm very lucky to be part of such a supportive family, especially since I'm probably the kid who's changed her mind a lot. To me, chances for recognition give me a sense of pride that I can share with them, the people who made me, me.

On that note, my dad's really sweet. He's been replying to my posts each time I publish something in this blog and it gives me a kind of strength to suck it up and just work hard. My mom continues to pray for me and I seriously believe that it's because of her that I am so protected and blessed. I can't ask for more. A few more days to go... and I'll be home. Yesss.

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Commercial Studio

I don't really feel like posting these because I don't think they have anything about me in them. This is probably why I'm not too happy shooting in the commercial studio. I don't feel like there is enough time or room for me to really find things that I want to shoot. (Plus, I really don't like driving to places that I'm unfamiliar with. It doesn't mean I don't like exploring though! I just try to escape the dirty work as much as I possibly can.) I'm looking forward to going home. Sometimes I really envy some of my friends who can just go home and pick up an interesting thing to shoot without spending any money. Hopefully during the Christmas break I'll be able to gather some personal objects that would give my products more character.

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Portrait Studio

This class was the day after I spoke to Tony D. Talking to him helped me change my whole attitude towards my current work. I AM here to learn after all and failing or mediocrity isn't as bad as it seems at this point. But this doesn't mean that I don't mind being mediocre or making mistakes, because I do. And it also doesn't mean that I don't still struggle with my self-confidence, because I do, do, do = constantly. But even if I do, the difference now is, I know that I should just keep on taking pictures anyway. It's the only way to get better, right?

Chris

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